She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
