after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
