I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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