Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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