4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
