Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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