I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
