I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
