when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
handjob tips. give me some.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
