does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
