Redeem this text for a blowjob
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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