I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
