I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
