I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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