Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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