Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
