1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
