I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
