Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
