so explain again why im purple
no
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
