Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
