hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
