Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
