You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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