i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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