yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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