Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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