What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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