there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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