So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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