I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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