I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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