i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
