3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
