Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
did you just send me my own nude
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
