There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
