At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
