Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
