I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
