Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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