and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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