Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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