he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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