Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
