I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
