i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think I just sharted jello shots
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