im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
