I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
