i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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