Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
