he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
