I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize