I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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