"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
