Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
