All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
