last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
