I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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