I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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