I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
