K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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