Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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