you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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