I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
