I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
