winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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